All across Starstrike units prepare for war. The smell of engine grease and droid lubricant pervades the atmosphere. A tense expectancy awaits. Where will Altruists strike first?
Commander Starlover, feared leader of Starstrike's air forces, and winner of the Medallion of Hell for his part in the campaign against Killer, will once again lead Starstrike's air forces to war. This time in defence of his people.
"We do not know what we face" he said. "We may be outnumbered, outclassed, and possibly even outsmarted, but there's one thing they'll never be able to compete against!"
In reply to this reporters question, he said "Why my lucky pet cat Felix of course. No battle has even been lost while he's been around".
Ummm.... a starry-eyed reporter asked the obvious question.
"Well, of course the opening battles against Hells Will don't count. Felix remained asleep through those, so there was no way he could have helped"
On the other side of Starstrike's military power, Artwo Deetwo has once again consented to loan his ally his personal protocal droid C-3PO. Gazing over Starstike's army one sees rows and rows of armed battle droids... and hundred of thousands of logos for Starbubbles, Starstike's favourite breakfast cereal. Sponsors of the massive droid building campaign, they negotiated the placement of cereal ads on all Starstrike droids. "Snap, Crackle and Nova" read the ads, the last thing many enemy soldiers will see in this lifetime.
C-3PO once again remains confident of victory. However, the mass expansion of Starstrike's army has raised many difficulties. Command and control is the main one - C-3PO has to be able to deliver personal orders to each of the droids under his command. His method? Simple. Programmers have programmed each droid to respond to orders in a different galactic language. Now C-3PO can command a different droid simply by sending orders in a different language. "It simplifies matters greatly" he says. "And since I can speak 6 million languages, I can still command every droid individually. Though of course, at the current rate of expansion of Starstrike's military, that won't be true for long".
The only problem with this method became apparent in secret trials, when it was realised that the Chickwolk command for "turn right and march" was linguistically identical to the Ligopollop command for "Stand on your head and dance until the wife comes home". Naturally, this caused quite a stir amongst the majority of droids. It also resulted in some new combat maneuvers, which are currently being tested. "When a droid stand upside-down and dances, it becomes a much tougher target to hit" confesses C-3PO. "We're still exploring the military possibilities for using this tactic in a combat situation".
Victim of a horrible spell from Godfather Galactic, Starstrike's head wizard lies dead this day. His funeral will be held in week 20 of 3015. In a show of respect for this great man, President Starstriker and his gentle wife Starcrusher will attend, with their children Starlover, Starhater, Stargiver and Startaker. Dignitaries from all across Vjun Cluster are expected to attend. "He was like a father to me" cries young Startaker, her body racked with sobs. While Starstruck doctors quickly determined that his death was due to a spell which turned his insides into outsides, it is yet to be determined why all hair seems to have spontaneously dissapeared from his body. "I've never seen anything like it before" Starstruck scientists admit. "I just hope it isn't some new secret weapon owned by the Harkonnens". Other leaders across Vjun Cluster declined to comment.
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